The Ugly Truth Series #2 - The Never Ending Climb
The second in a series of illustrated truths gathered over 14 years - an entirely honest and personal project.
In the creative realm the path to satisfaction can be never ending…
Ain’t it the truth – no longer than being momentarily satisfied with your latest achievement the next goal presents itself and the climb begins all over again. It’s widely accepted that drive is healthy, and we should always challenge ourselves to grow as individuals. But why don’t we talk about how to recognise when that feeling changes or how to appreciate the individual journey you’ve been on in the first place? Isn’t this where the real lessons lie
Pack your sandwiches.
Now the mountain in front of you is your only focus and those past achievements are barely given a second thought as you start to the ascent. Even worse, you may downplay them in order to drive yourself to do better on this next climb. Must do better. Must do better. In doing this there is a serious risk of realising, as you are part way up or even at the top of your mountain, it’s in fact not the journey you first set out to make. Worse still even where you want to be.
Bo****ks. How did that happen? Were you told it’s the path you should take? Did you do it for someone else? To prove something? Have you changed? Were you encouraged to climb someone else’s mountain?
Know thy (younger)self
No creative career is linear. Or the same. (It’d be boring if it were) There are side steps, back-steps, dance steps and fuck ups. Changes in direction, even discipline all in the ultimate goal for creative contentment. It’s a journey you make alone - so remember to look after yourself and pack your sandwiches. My journey - definitely not linear, but they don’t warn you of this in uni. So I’ve carried the typical creative goal of success = high position, big agency, big clients. Simple.
Or is it?
When I was younger, I possessed this amazing single-minded vision and drive, rarely giving a second thought to what other people thought about it. I wasn’t distracted by the journey of others and rarely compared my decision making. It was my own path. It was exciting, simple, and optimistic. Somewhere along this path I, I suspect like many others, have been cajoled into putting too much stock by the moves we make, the positions we occupy, and the opinions of others.
“Who says that four all-creative subjects is ‘too much anyway?”
I knew being creative was all I wanted to do. It was that or being an F1 driver. I disagreed with the typical noughties careers advisor recommendation to “do a range of comprehensive subjects” and opted to go a completely different way to all my friends. (I clearly had balls and lacked fear.) My poor parents must have suspected at this point - they had one of ‘those’ daughters. Bloody only children.
I went a different way because it’s what felt right - I knew inside. It was the only way to go. Sure I was anxious about not being with my mates but I loved what I was doing so it didn’t matter. My gut feeling counted for everything. It should still now but somehow as you get older you seem to dismiss it more for what you think you ought to be doing or what is expected of you.
So off I went with my self-customised Topshop jeans and layout pad on my tod to conquer the creative world. Suck on them apples careers advisor.
Along the way I came against challenges and argued the doubters about what I was going to do after college. How dare they? I recall being wildly pissed off at my friend’s stuffy academic parents after they mocked my choice to “draw” as a career choice. How bloody rude.
Learning new skills
Being at a different style of college taught me self-drive and motivation - that have come to serve me well and long story short, I skipped away from college with a distinction and A-levels.
Off I went to get my 1st first degree in Interior architecture (Yep. Proud geek - I have two). I loved interiors but didn’t want to sell the benefits of oversized tassels by Laura Ashley. Did I want to be an architect? Not really, and that was ok. I loved creating 3D worlds and visualisation. There was another way - I was absolutely sure of it. Decision made - easy.
To my utter joy (sarcasm alert) I, and my entire graduate year were advised to consider gaining practical skills like electrical or plastering as it would be a guaranteed job. Not exactly what you want to hear after 3 years graft and 14k of debt… No thanks - I think I’ll carry on with my original plan.
But in the same time breath I was also told that my energy, can do attitude, slightly outspoken demeanour and friendly character meant I was very employable. It was a big compliment. And one that I’ve tried to remind myself every time I’ve sat at a boardroom table interviewing for a job.
My first 3D design job was working for a kitchen company. Not what I’d dreamed of, but you have to start somewhere. Needless to say I ended up hating it, but I did learn vital life skills, new software and how to deal with real clients – and that’s worth its weight in gold. So after planning my millionth ‘Minimalist’ kitchen I took a slightly left field swing and did another degree in graphic design. (Sorry mum and dad - honestly don’t sweat it - I know what I’m doing. I’ve got this.) I sought out and interviewed at agencies while I was finishing my final year coursework and show. It was like having two jobs. Bloody hard work but it was the vision. The path.
The week of my final show I had a job ready to walk into. Success! After two years I left there as assistant studio supervisor. And that’s where the serious climb begun. Moving on subsequently led to craving ‘bigger’ and ‘better’ clients and roles. I yearned for brand and advertising.
I sought out, interviewed, bust a gut on the test brief of a dream role working my entire birthday week (anyone who knows me knows that birthday week is big deal) and beat the competition to get the job. The CD said at the time he had a feeling I’d turn up and have gone all out for it. It was nice to hear. Clearly, I showed determination and the hard work paid off but there was no time to think about that now. Gotta nail this. By now I was working on the big dogs like Coca Cola, Google and Nestle and loving it. Dream stuff - but it can come at a bit of a cost. When you are so determined to succeed in the workplace it’s easy to dismiss your self-worth and ignore that inner little nagging voice.
An industry that extorts perfectionism.
The creative platform is plagued by people struggling with perfectionism. And many businesses and agencies extort it - placing this on a pedestal to drive others and increase internal competition. Not cool. A note I wish I could have given to my younger self was that many of these agencies do not give a shit if your personal life is going down the pan and that working 15 hour days isn’t sustainable. They’ll keep taking and whether you know it or not you’re in competition with your peers.
Is this what you really want?. This mindset means many creatives’ concept of “success” can totally elude them and in the end they tend to view all work or performance as lacking in one area or another - always feeling the need to push further. Wanting to achieve more until many reach simple apathy for their work or complete burnout. The scenario is sadly all too well seen in the creative domain. Grim eh?
Inevitably, the perfectionists still standing view others who burnout as “quitters” or people who can’t follow through. In reality, though, the goals they set simply demand too much.” (1)
But, what will others think?
So when I decided I wanted to focus more on brand and packaging but didn’t have the experience in my book I went and got it, doing conceptual briefs and freelance work until I had enough. But already the fear of ‘what do others think?’ had started to consume me. Was a change in direction wise? Did it look like I was crap at what I was already doing? Did it look like I had no staying power? Did it look like I didn’t know what I wanted? And the worst one - am I seen as a ‘flaky’ female? (Another post to come.)
I pressed on - channeling my younger self and loved the agency I went on to work at. There’s something in the 3D nature of packaging that tickles my interest when paired with the power of persuasive branding that’s held my interest ever since.
After moving again, each time climbing up a ledge I realised that this mountainous cycle was going to be never-ending. This is just how it was going to be. Where was the top now? Creative Director? Relocating? Awards? A team? A bloody brass Rocky Balboa-esque like statue somewhere in Yorkshire?
The Ugly Truth.
Whatever position I’ve gotten to, I’ve managed to somehow dwarf it into insignificance with the shadow of the next climb, thinking it was ‘luck’ that had got me here. (Hello imposter syndrome - that’s for another blog post too). As we gain more responsibility (personally and financially) the risks become greater. As the roles got bigger (and salaries) so did the responsibilities and decisions around my moves which by now had become utterly agonising. Days and weeks of weighing up the pros and cons. Worrying it might be the wrong decision. What if it was a huge mistake of which they’d be no return from? It takes its toll on your closest relationships when they see you working relentlessly for something you never seem to be satisfied with.
Somewhere between the start of the journey and the race to the top I’d become hyper-aware of my peers and an endless cycle of comparison and had begun. The feeling of never being enough. Surely this can’t be the only way? Why don’t we give ourselves permission to change our minds and change the route without fear of what others think? Or assume it automatically shows failure?
Why are we encouraged to compare ourselves to others on completely different journeys?
There are no mistakes only lessons. What you thought was the way doesn’t always end up being so. Or even the destination you want. Sometimes we spend so much time looking ahead we forget to enjoy the view. In an industry that’s often driven by competition, popularity, perfectionism, ego, money and status. It’s all too easy to forget why we wanted to be here in the first place and why we’re doing it. Why is it still considered taboo to say - I don’t want this anymore?
What’s it got to do with anyone else anyway? Those sandwiches weren’t for sharing. It’s taken me till now to realise that the goalposts shift, change and vanish - all the time. And that’s totally bloody ok.
Realising this inevitably leaves us with the following questions: What is our drive? What is it that we want to achieve? What did that younger self want to set out and do? Are you actually listening to your inner voice?
And as Carrie Bradshaw says “That’s just a little something I’m working on”.
(1) Source: https://fastbraiin.com/adhd-and-perfectionism/